Yes, I’m an Addict!

It’s the new year, and while others are making new years resolutions I am busy trying not to fall back into old habits. My habit of choice? No it’s not drugs or alcohol, but it is something that gives me the same kind of high while indulging in it. I am talking about food addition. Yes, food addiction. This is a very real addiction that rarely gets talked about and in my personal opinion it is the most difficult of all the addictions. Think about it; food addicts are the only addicts that HAVE to indulge in their addiction in order to survive daily life. And not only do they have to indulge in their addiction, they have to do it multiple times a day. For example, if a drug addict never does another drug he or she will not only survive but thrive. If an alcoholic never takes another drink their life will take a dramatic turn for the better. But if a food addict never eats again they will surely die!

I have been dealing with food addiction for as far back as I can remember. It all started back in elementary school when my mom would drive me to school. Before she dropped me off she would take me to the donut shop. And on Friday’s after school she would take me to Blockbusters and McDonalds for our weekly movie night. This weekly routine along with many other poor health habits eventually led to a big problem.

You might be saying to yourself, “What’s wrong with that? It sounds like a sweet tradition.” (Yea, a little too sweet) The problem is that sugar has the same addictive qualities as cocaine. Some may even say it is more addictive. (Please refer to this article by healthline.com) And much like drugs and alcohol the younger you start the harder it is to kick.

While we know it is unacceptable to snort blow at the dinner table somehow we find it perfectly acceptable to pass around cake and ice cream as a sweet treat. Not to mention the delicious fried favorites we know and love. No wonder 1 in 5 kids suffer with childhood obesity. I was one of them, and the addiction has carried on into my adulthood as well.

Food addiction can be a very lonely addiction to deal with. Mainly because no one believes it’s a real thing so a lot of us end up suffering in silence. Whenever I have tried to talk to someone in the past about this issue they usually say something to the effect of “You just have to get some will power.” If it was that easy I would have done it already, along with the other 16 million people who suffer with this.

There have been many nights I spent crying disgusted with myself for over indulging but feeling completely powerless to stop. I have a specific memory of when I was 13, I would sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to bake warm snickerdoodle cookies that my mom had purchased from a fundraiser at my school. This was a huge tub of cookie dough that was meant for the entire family and I ate over half of the tub by myself during these late night encounters. I don’t know what was wrong with me! I distinctly remember this uncontrollable feeling coming over me that I had to have them. It was almost like I was deranged. I felt like I needed them as bad as I needed water or air. I couldn’t concentrate or think about anything else until I had it. But the moment I would give in to that feeling and eat the cookies (or whatever I was craving at that time) that same desperate-deranged feeling I had before would immediately turn into shame and guilt.

Food would be all I thought about. Even if I had just finished a meal I would immediately begin thinking about what my next meal would be. Even now that I am walking on a new health journey I still obsess about food. I try to think about healthy food but my brain is still focused on what can I eat now and what will I eat next?

I felt like a disgusting pig. How could I have done this? What is wrong with me that one is just not enough? What was causing this and how could I make it stop? I honestly don’t have the answer for this one. But I can tell you a few things that I have done that seem to help.

Part of the addiction is feeling the need to constantly chew on something, so to help combat this feeling I try to keep gum on me at all times. That way I can get the “fix” that I need without the extra calorie intake. I also read this really great book called “Made to Crave” by Lysa TerKeurst, that taught me to redirect my cravings for food into cravings for Jesus. Seeing that I am a Christian this really resonated with me. I also try to eat small portions frequently so that I don’t feel like I am deprived of anything.

I am in the process of changing my relationship with food which is a constant work in progress. Some days I win, other days I lose but one thing is for sure I will never give up. As the great Gordon B. Hinckley said “You have not failed until you quit trying.”