Hi, my name is…
Hola! My name is Nikki Jordan. Like most women I wear many hats. I am a wife, an aunt, a sister, a daughter, an educator, and an entrepreneur. I am the founder and owner of the company Confidence At Any Size aka #CAAS.
#CAAS (pronounced cause) is dedicated to building and strengthening women’s confidence and yet I type this with my confidence shaken.
Let me start from the beginning.
I am a math teacher at a middle school in Forney, TX. Every year, we have picture day for students and staff to create our photo IDs. Those pictures will eventually end up in our annual yearbook. Well, yesterday, I received my future yearbook photo and I was shocked!
I didn’t know who that woman was in the photo. The eyes looked familiar, but the face… the face was not mine. It couldn’t have been mine. I don’t remember my face looking like that big and round with puffy cheeks. Who is this woman in this picture? They had to have made a mistake. It wasn’t! Talk about a wake up call.
Now, I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I’ve been on every diet imaginable… TWICE, to no avail. But, this picture showed I was in a place I swore I would never be and the crazy part is I don’t even know when I got here. Even though I was overweight, it was always in what I would call an “acceptable” range. You know, cute and fluffy -- not big and ugly. But this picture told a different story. I am not the girl I see in the mirror everyday.
Most people when they look in the mirror they see a slightly worse version of themselves. Some see someone who is bigger, others see someone who is shorter, some may even see an exacerbated nose size. However, when I look in the mirror, I see myself in a better light; what I like to call my “true self.” When I look in the mirror, I have clear skin, I am a size 12/14 (16, if I feel bloated) and I have long, smooth flowing hair, with cat eyes that will see right through to your soul.
But, in reality, I have dark-spots and am a size 24 (on the fast track to a 26), with long frizzy hair -- and beautiful cat eyes that will see right through to your soul. Hey, it ain't all in my head, lol.
I knew I had to do something, but what? I had already tried everything known to man, besides surgery. (I guess I could start googling prices. NO!) There had to be a better way. First thing I had to do was figure out why I had failed so many times before. That was an easy answer: lack of consistency paired with fad diets. Fad diets never work for the long term, but we’ll talk about that another time.
The next thing I had to figure out was my “why.” Why was it so important to me to lose the weight? Outside of the actual weight, I was in good health and a functioning member of society. I have no high blood pressure, diabetes, or other related illnesses. I am a successful teacher and business owner. I have a husband who loves me, and I do mean ALL OF ME, great friends, and an awesome family. By all accounts I was fine. So why did I care so much? What was my reason for wanting to lose weight?
Then it hit me, I realized I want to do it for me! I want to feel comfortable in my clothes and in my own skin. I want to go on vacation and look good in the pictures, or at the very least, not be the biggest one in the pics. I want to go on adventures with my husband and not miss out on any activities because it has “too much walking.” I want to be able to make love to my husband in any position and feel just as sexy as I do lying on my back. I want to have more energy for me and my future children.
But mostly, I am tired of being limited. I’m tired of going places or doing certain activities and wondering if I am over the weight limit. I’m tired of checking how wide the seats are before I sit down, or how wide the aisle is before I walk down. I’m tired of having a limited selection of clothes. I want the limits taken off of my life that being overweight has put on it. I want to be free to live the abundant life God has for me.
So, allow me to reintroduce myself. Hi, my name is Nikki Jordan and I am on a journey to improve myself, for myself. If you want to do the same, join me and let’s go on this journey together!